As a newly adoptive parent, you may be asking if it is in the child’s best interest to tell them they were adopted? And if so, how would you even navigate such a delicate situation?  

How?

First of all, you will want to familiarize your child with the concept of adoption from a young age. You can tell them stories about adoption or bring it up in your everyday conversation. When revealing to your child that they were adopted, this could make it easier for them to comprehend, especially if they have positive associations surrounding the topic. 

Secondly, you will want to get support from those with experience so you can ask questions and get help along the way. Especially with not knowing how your child will react, it is good to have guidance through this process. You can reach out to your CPA or get professional help from a counselor. 

It will also be vital to gauge what is appropriate to talk about with your child. Not every detail should be shared with your child about why they were adopted, especially if they are at a young age. For example, telling a child that their parent(s) were using drugs would be inappropriate. Instead, you could say that they were not well and were unable to provide the child the care they needed.  

Why is it important?

It is important to share with your child their adoption story because it creates a level of understanding of the dynamics of the family and helps in their identity formation. Kids should have an understanding of where they came from and how they were brought into their new family. You will also be able to answer any questions your child has so that they are not left to wonder. Especially if the adoption is open, talking about the adoption will bring a lot of clarity for the child.  

Some things to remember

First, it is important to remember that it is not your own story to tell, it is your child’s that you get to be a part of. As the parent, you do not fully understand the experiences your child has undergone in the transitioning process or what their life was like beforehand. In fact, some kids may not understand the reason why they were taken from their prior home and may not see the risks that were involved. There could also be unknowns that the child chooses not to share. You should not assume that a child views the situation a certain way, but rather let the child learn how to tell their story as it is a big part of their identity.  

There is no “one-size-fits-all” for telling your child their adoption story, however, with these suggestions and the guidance of others, it can be a meaningful shared experience.  

 

Sources: 

“5 Creative Ways to Share Your Child’s Adoption Story with Them.” Gucciardo Family Law, 27 Sept. 2021, https://gucciardofamilylaw.com/5-creative-ways-to-share-your-childs-adoption-story-with-them/.  

“Four Things to Consider When Sharing Your Family’s Adoption Story.” Holt International, 28 Jan. 2022, https://www.holtinternational.org/four-things-to-consider-when-sharing-your-familys-adoption-story/.