Parents have such an incredible gift and responsibility to guide their children. One of the most important jobs as a parent is to give their children the tools to control their own behavior. Patience and repetition are the keys to helping children gain self-control and the right attitudes. Reaching a child’s heart is just as important as stopping a behavior. Proverbs 4:23 encourages us to guard our hearts above all else because it will determine the course of our lives. Children are still learning, so parents have the responsibility to guide and guard their children’s hearts. Here are some practical ways that parents can positively guide children’s behavior: 

1. Time-in or time-out: Time-out is an excellent tool for a child who needs to calm down or self-regulate. Regularly check in with the child to see if they are ready to change their attitude and/or behavior. Time-in can be used effectively for repeated, unwanted behavior. Language like “I can see that you are still struggling with…, you need to stay with me for a little bit until you can show me that you are ready to listen”. This will help you keep a child close to you to prevent unwanted behavior, but it also allows time to connect.   
2. Boundaries: Children thrive when given clear and consistent boundaries because it helps them to feel safe and secure. Most children will test boundaries to see if a parent will stay consistent, so remaining calm and steadfast is essential. 
3. Redirection: Using redirection with young children is such a great way to prevent unwanted behavior. Catching a behavior before it happens allows the parent to replace it with a positive alternative. 
4. Natural consequences: Natural consequences are a powerful tool to guide children because they give children some power over decision-making, which eliminates a power struggle. They also help children to understand cause and effect. 
5. Modeling behavior: Parents must model the behaviors that they want to see in their children. Children are keen observers and quick to point out if a parent is not following their own ‘rule’.   

Every parent experiences moments of feeling overwhelmed by their child’s behavior. Each child is unique, so there is not a one-size-fits-all approach; these are just general guidelines that work for most children. Observing your child is an essential first step. Are they upset at the same time every day? Are they hungry, tired, or overwhelmed? Knowing the source of the behavior helps to address the root cause and can avoid needless frustration. 

Since young children benefit from clear, consistent guidance, parents should remember that they will do best with: 

1. Short, clear expectations. Example: “The balls are only for throwing outside.” 
2. Consistency: if you say you will do something, follow through. Example: “Since you threw the balls inside, we will need to put them away for today; tomorrow, we will try again”. 
3. Knowing the ‘why’ behind a rule or expectation. If appropriate, let your child know the ‘why’ behind your rule. “I don’t want the ball to break the beautiful lamp I have in the house.” 
4. Keep rules enforceable and straightforward. The rule about the ball is clear, enforceable, and understandable for a young child. 
5. Remember that your child is watching you and how you react in a situation. If you are frustrated, take a deep breath or walk away for a minute. 
6. Don’t let tantrums or big emotions change your expectations or the consequences. “I can see that you are angry that you don’t get to play with the balls anymore today. Next time, remember that we don’t throw balls in the house. We will try again tomorrow. I know you can do it.” 

Guiding young children can feel like a daunting and exhausting task, but it is so worthwhile. The fruit of loving, consistent guidance can be seen for a lifetime.